advice to young ladies about joining cliquesCliques are groups of friends, but not all groups of friends are cliques. A clique is a group of friends that pick and choose who is in their group and they leave certain people out on purpose.  When you are around others and start to notice that you are no longer yourself or you stop voicing your true opinion then you are probably in a clique.

Every young girl wants to be respected and liked by her peers. Joining a clique may be a way in which a girl seeks approval but being in a clique can be detrimental to her self esteem and self worth because a lot of the time it’s centred on control. You can’t talk to certain people. You can’t wear certain clothes. You may even laugh at jokes that are not funny just to belong. Listed below are reasons why you should avoid cliques.

When you join a clique there is always a stronger personality or a few others that want to control you and dictate the rules. And because you want to fit in and be accepted, you may find yourself not being authentic. In other words, you are not keeping it real. You won’t speak out. You won’t say what you really mean. You will agree with everything that the clique leader says, just to fit it. Stop it. Be your own person. Find your own voice and have your own identity.


When you join a clique because you have given all your powers away, you may lose your self respect. You lose respect when you are no longer yourself and you become a puppet. You may also lose respect when you try and voice something that is important to you and you get shut down. Stop it today. Get your respect back by knowing that you are just as important as the next person and you deserve to be heard.

This is the worst part about being in a clique. You don’t speak up. Even on matters that are important to you. Jackie was in a clique and a friend of hers was being teased by the other members. Jackie said nothing but felt bad for her friend. Instead of standing up to the clique bullies, she allowed them to make fun of her friend. She later called her friend outside of the group to ask if she was ok rather than standing up to the group. Jackie has no control of her life. Is this how you want to be? I don’t think so.

If you belong to a clique you will find that you avoid making other friends. You may even become obsessed with the clique to the point of doing negative things that you normally would not do. Then when you leave the clique you will have to go through a painful journey of regaining your own identity and making new genuine friends.

Groups can be a great way of finding others who share common interest. Groups build each other up. I do encourage young girls to join groups but leave the cliques for those who do not have a strong self worth. You are valuable.

Note To Parents and Guardians:Let’s teach girls to value and respect themselves. Let them know that they don’t need the approval of others. Teach them to have a wide network of friends, so that they don’t rely on one group. Remind them that being in a clique will lead to a miserable life of approval and conforming. Every girl should stand up for herself and know she is valuable.

Written By Rita Okoye.

RiTa Okoye CEO Majestically rare

Rita Okoye (CEO) Majestically Rare

Rita Okoye is the Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of Majestically Rare Limited. She has been involved with Events and Publicity for over 18 years and has worked for several award wining international brands.

She spent 8 years of her career at BBC London in a busy marketing department where she gained strong skills in Events, Marketing, Publicity and Promotions before relocating to Lagos in 2008.She is passionate about Raising Confident Girls and  writes a weekly  column for the Guardian Newspaper Nigeria and has a blog for mums and young girls – VALUABLEU.

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